Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
