My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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