I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
