Your dad touched me again.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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