you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
