We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
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They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
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There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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