do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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