I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
The convent might be a nice break from real life
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
