May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
