I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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