rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
