yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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