my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
areolas are like halos for boobs.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
