matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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