walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
