people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
