I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Randomize
