I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
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