I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
