Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
