If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
