if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Randomize
