she woke up with a sticky ear
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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