Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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