what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
When did we convert life to cartoon?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
