KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
