Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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