Your tits are I can't wait for
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
If its not for food we ain't going out.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
