Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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