that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
