we made out on top of his cat.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
