yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize