she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
