What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
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