so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
