Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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