he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
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