Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Help. Why am I so naked?
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