soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
