matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
