Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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