yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
