The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
