And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
