Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
