My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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