alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Hello my rib-scented angel!
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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