Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Randomize
