she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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