I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
