My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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