my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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