i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Ladies don't puke and tell
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
