yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
