margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.