Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(208): View more from Idaho

He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me

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(208): He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me http://tfl.nu/1pq8

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.

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(724): Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions. http://tfl.nu/lnut

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(901): View more from Tennessee

I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."

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(901): I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..." http://tfl.nu/hs8y

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(302): View more from Delaware

They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not

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(302): They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not http://tfl.nu/juyk

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(831): View more from California

No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick

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(831): No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick http://tfl.nu/r1nb

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(801): View more from Utah

please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.

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(801): please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist. http://tfl.nu/t4io

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(605): View more from South Dakota

I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?

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(605): I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF? http://tfl.nu/tx7k

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.

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(405): Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights. http://tfl.nu/1mso

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(778): View more from British Columbia

you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that

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(778): you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that http://tfl.nu/wgi4

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(816): View more from Missouri

They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives

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(816): They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives http://tfl.nu/kcvk

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(404): View more from Georgia

So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.

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(404): So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving. http://tfl.nu/3jpq

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(956): View more from Texas

The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.

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(956): The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging. http://tfl.nu/1enr

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(210): View more from Texas

What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.

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(210): What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that. http://tfl.nu/vntm

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(434): View more from Virginia

Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.

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(434): Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them. http://tfl.nu/1lvf

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(269): View more from Michigan

Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...

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(269): Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still... http://tfl.nu/u0uu

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