I think I died a long time ago.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.