Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.