Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
