It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
