i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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