just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
