I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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