Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
